ok... thx Eric. It was not about tactics, but wanted an opinion that did not include my DD...yet.

I find it hard to determine the diff between hope and expectations... will think more about that.

The reason I was withholding was due to my DD's feelings about me being there.

I want & will likely consider HER feelings first, but wondered if fair/right...its his bday and he "asked" for me to be there. <<< this is a nice thing.

I want to do what is right for ME... a woman who has self value and is not available on HIS call, all the time.

Her feelings are that she is uncomfortable in "family setting".. she wants to KNOW that we are working on us.. not just "seeing how it goes". She is making her stance. I understand her feelings. She wants HIM to know that too (but today is not quite the day to discuss awkwardness)

Last edited by makingmagic; 10/08/14 09:14 PM.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs
myD:22
H distant summer/12
H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12
BD: Dec 2/12
asked me begin to move end of Jan/13
moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff)
"agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)