I just really feel that if someone knew more information that they might have a different opinion.
If by your own admission you may not be able to see something…..can you see how trying to provide “more information” could be viewed as you really still not being able to see something? Think about it….if you read your threads…you might see that more than not…everyone is saying the same thing.
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I do want a healthy relationship... Yes, I want him back but not at the cost of losing myself again.
Would you say that you know what a healthy relationship looks like? If so, describe it.
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I am working on defining what my needs/wants are.
So you are working on defining YOUR needs. Right? See below…
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I know that my needs/wants include KNOWING that he wants me.
Notice…YOUR need is for something that YOU have NO CONTROL OVER. Really, what you are saying is you want HIM to be what YOU want HIM to be and NOT what he is.
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I need to step back and allow the space for him to come forward.
Is that what YOU think a healthy R is? Notice…YOUR NEED is tied to HIS ACTION.
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I want to see him make efforts and do some jumping for me.
Once again…you want HIM….the above statement is not about YOU or YOUR dreams at all. Also, how can he jump unless you give him a LOT OF TIME (i.e. more than a day, week or even a month) to miss you.
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I do not want to indulge in the "carrot/bait/hook" game again.
THEN DON’T! Yet when you post it comes across as a cat and mouse game. Ohhh…I’ll do this in the hopes that he does that OR if I don’t do this…then maybe he will do that”. This is a tactic.
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I NEED to see his efforts come forth & NEED to spend time re-building.
Once again…your goals (excluding buying a house) are all based on HIM. What “he does”…I “want him to”….”that he”. All about him and not much about what MM wants for herself – ASIDE from HIM. FTR, you are your own person – aside from him. You are your own women – aside from him. Who is that person MM? Who is MM away from her BF?
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I need to know he loves me and wants to be with me.
NEED vs. WANT. You see you do NOT NEED him…you WANT him – big difference. I suspect though…that you really do “feel” like you “NEED” him and there is the problem.
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I also need to be sure that he is not just taking me off the shelf on his whims just to put me back on it when he is done.
What is “sure” in life MM? If he says he is sure today and then changes his mind tomorrow – are you in any different place then where you are today? Psst…notice again…”he”….that he….when he…
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I want to know how to know the difference.
YOU THINK You do…but you really do not. Everyone has told you the difference. For example…. If I LOVED my partner with everything in me…and I wanted her to be happy and to feel secure…then I would run to the L and legally split the company giving her half. I would NOT procrastinate. FTR, if something is that IMPORTANT – YOU DO NOT WAIT. Really, IMO, you just want HIM back. Period.
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is that he is admitting that HE is changing.
ACTIONS speak louder than words.
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He feels that he is appreciating me, he feels he is making the right efforts for his lifestyle, and he feels he is including me
Ummm….He , he, he , he, he…. For HIS lifestyle. Lemme rewrite that, if I was sitting in your shoes.
He feels that he is appreciating me, yet the most important things that I (capital I) want he is not giving me. He feels like he is making the right effort and although I may not agree perse…his right effort is not enough for ME (capital me). I know I deserve more. I have given him everything I could. As I write this…I just realized that everything is about HIM and his needs – I want a lifestyle too. Ya know what….I think I’m gonna live my lifestyle and maybe….I “include” him – not the other way around.
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I do want gentle pushes, and nudges
Okay here is a gentle push…..
Get your share of the business before he changes his freaking mind again. Go buy your house or go on a kick arse vacation. Sit down and write down goals for YOURSELF that do not involve him. Go find YOURSELF…who MM is….when the lights are off, when her kids are out of the house…when bf drops dead, is working or leaves ya…who the heck is MM? I still do not know and I suspect you do not either.
Then again….you could always wait and ask BF what HE thinks YOU should be.
It is time MM….
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
