Dawgy, what myself, Maybell and a few others were trying to say was that yes- OM is probably out of the picture now because of your actions. He came to the realization that his girlfriend/mistress/whatever's H has quite a temper and he didn't want to have to deal with that.
What we're trying to get you to realize is that OM was not your problem. It's difficult for me to berate for your actions when I have those same type of feelings towards my W's OM, but the important thing is that you realize you even though you may feel 'better' now, you didn't resolve any of the issues that caused your M to fail in the first place. Or why your W had an A. If anything, I'd take a guess that you took a pretty big step or two backwards in your DBing. I get it- I've had that same thought process you have now- if only OM wasn't in the picture...
I don't know the dynamics of your M, but it's hard for me to believe that your W was attracted to your behavior. However, you can't change what happened, but you can decide how you want to handle things going forward, and for your case, I hope you handle things calmer than you did. Be the spouse only a fool would leave, not the spouse to be feared.
