Thank you for posting that quote from labug. It's one of those gentle taps on the head that everyone needs to hear at some point in this process.
I can honestly say that part of this journey includes a mourning of the old comfort of our old marriage. In my situation it's a welcome experience but still uncomfortable. Our old marriage was BAD. The people we were because of that bad marriage were not good. Deep down though the people we want to be, separately and hopefully within a new marriage, are powerfully amazing.
The discomfort of putting to rest the old marriage inevitably forces me to look forward yet looking too far forward gets me in trouble and takes the focus away from the NOW (Yes, Tarheel, I've read The Power of NOW. It's so powerful that I could only read one or two pages at a time. I should re-read it. I love Tolle!!!).
I am an efficient task master by nature. Patience, gray areas and leaning into discomfort are huge challenges but I welcome them and I am grateful for the gift of time in order to process my incremental growth in my own way.
I like measuring progress. Often that means "how much further do I need to go?" which, in a journey like this one, doesn't help much because the reality is, it's never ending. It's a journey that has no destination; a true depiction of the adage "the journey is the destination". This is a welcome realization and quite a 180 for me.
This isn't so much about "getting him back" or "when will he come home" though that's often what I write about and complain about. My focus really is, "When will I get to share and practice all I'm learning?", "I can't wait to practice my 'turning towards' and all of that stuff.
I'm realizing only now that I do get to practice my empathy and acceptance skills by simply living in the NOW. Similar in concept to Cadet's "you're already dead" point but I choose to see it more as, "you're already alive" because often I find myself thinking my life won't begin until he comes back. It's just not true.
I am already living. I am already alive. I don't need (or I shouldn't need) him or anyone else to be in my life for me to live my life well. It's mine. Yes, I want to share it with H and have him share his with me but right now I am already alive.
