Magingmagic, where'dja go??

[makingmagic]

Thanks Eric...

On occasion it would be helpful to have someone validate what I am doing right for me/him or my relationship. I am scrambling to know what I am doing right. With that said, I really really do want to be called on the BS I tell myself at times.

I know that I come across as argumentative and it comes across as I am trying to make someone else wrong... this is not the case. Promise. I just really feel that if someone knew more information that they might have a different opinion. So, when I do this I am not against being wrong or informed of what outsiders see... I just feel that if they knew more of the story, they might change their opinion, as well. As for me, I do consider what is being suggested, even if I don't like it.

I do want a healthy relationship... Yes, I want him back but not at the cost of losing myself again. I am working on defining what my needs/wants are. Trying to figure out what is my line in the sand (I keep moving it). I know that my needs/wants include KNOWING that he wants me. To figure this out.. I need to step back and allow the space for him to come forward. I chased and was pushy during our relationship, I don't want to do that again. It was my growth that tells me that I need to go opposite... however, I see that you are suggesting that there can still be a balance. To not give in to whatever HE wants only.... I want to see him make efforts and do some jumping for me. I do not want to indulge in the "carrot/bait/hook" game again. I want to be assured of what he does want.... (hoping he realizes that its me).

I will not give up my needs & wants. Right now, I NEED to see his efforts come forth & NEED to spend time re-building. I also NEED to be independent (as uncomfy as this makes me feel). I need to know he loves me and wants to be with me. I also need to be sure that he is not just taking me off the shelf on his whims just to put me back on it when he is done. I want to know how to know the difference.

The thing is too... is that he is admitting that HE is changing. He feels that he is appreciating me, he feels he is making the right efforts for his lifestyle, and he feels he is including me. .... To me, this is good... for him. It just hasn't quite translated to me as much as I want/need... just yet.

I do want gentle pushes, and nudges.... I ask that whoever tries and continues to be on my team, to understand that I will likely challenge it back, but to KNOW that its not to make them wrong. Its just a position I take hoping that my rebuttal will make a difference to the advice. I will watch for this as well.

Thanks Eric & everyone else.

MM