Going up, going down...

[BrightFuture]

Hey Mighty, thanks for stopping by. I've been reading all your threads. As much as I can of course. I can barely keep up with all the updates on your thread, Shining’s, 2BHappy’s, and some others. You guys are way too fast for me, LOL. When it comes to writing about my sitch, it’s even slower. English is my second language, so it takes time for write. I have to think about how to formulate a sentence in a right way, and also tend to skip words and letters when I type.

2BHappy, thanks for telling my about playboy. I just don’t think it is the same as porn. I would not be OK with porn. Now, thinking back about some stuff, I have my doubts that H didn’t look at porn, occasionally.

Anyway, I had some GAL last week, spilling into this one. Last Monday, as I mentioned, I had a happy hour. I also went to lunch with a coworker. On Thursday I went for lunch with an acquaintance. We went to the café overlooking the beautiful beach. On Friday I was invited to a Pampered Chef party, we had some food and drinks and ended up buying some stuff. On Saturday I went to my sisters’, as usual. My Mom arrived on Saturday as well, and she is staying with my sister. This Monday was Mom’s B-day and went to my sister’s again for dinner. And now, I’m going to my vacation home this Thursday with my neighbor!

I’m actually exhausted. I was had very low energy on Sunday, so I didn't do what I needed to do, and now I’m paying for it, running to the stores, trying to get all items that my friends from vacation home asked me bring for them, plus other stuff that I need for me.

So, my Mom is here for a few weeks. I hope I can handle it better than last year. I kind of dreaded it to some extent. I was thinking that when she would see me, she would say that I gain some weight. Guess what… These were exactly her words as soon as she saw me. Mind you it is about 5LB more from last year. But, this is how my Mom always was. She would notice every little flow with me and would not hesitate to mention it. And guess what she is doing now... She is making some pies for my sister and me. Even though my sister told her that I've been trying to lose some of my weight.

I don’t know if I’m reaching the point when I’m ready to completely drop the rope. I’m going to the vacation home, but no I longer want to see H’s stuff there. This is a new feeling for me. I have moments when I want to replace some items, so they would be mine and not remind me of the old life. I’ve just re-read the e-mails that I saved, where H is communicating with this Mexican girl he wanted to start the relationship with. It hurt. He was telling her that he was so sorry that she was hurt by her cousins’ (my GF at the vacation home) words. He also mentioned that my GF (actually our mutual friend) was also hurt, but just to give it some time to heal. Sigh… There was no mention of any of them hurting me in the process. It doesn't seem like he was thinking that I might be hurt by his actions either.


Oh well. I knew I would be hurt again when reading this, but I think I’m just looking for something to get me unstuck. If it is disdain and growing disrespect for H, so be it. I need to get out of this continuing limbo somehow. I’m running out of patience.