Wife dropped the bomb Part 2

[SunnyB]

HopeTex, I have been using a meditation ap called Calm, recommended by someone here. One of the meditations is for sleep, and it really helps me when I use it. Not a substitute for your doc, of course, but maybe a good addition. Calm is not free, but I have been using it a lot (there are a lot of other meditations besides sleep) and I think it was worth the $.

[HopeTex]

What a blessing the children are! This is their first night to sleep at my place, and much of the anguish has lifted tonight having them here. It makes this feel more like a home, not an outcast's cell. Thank you God for the relief from anguish you gave me tonite. I hope it continues.

[Shakspr]

My prayers go out to you tonight, Hopetex. God bless you and your children. May he have mercy on your wife as well and guide her in a new direction.

[Ahoy]

Hang in there, HopeTex. From what I hear, it takes folks on average three months for things to feel "normal" after a big change like a move. Be kind to yourself. I'm glad it's easier with the kids there. You may find that in time you'll have more peace being in your own place. You will start to sleep better in time.

I think a lot of us have been where you are -- I know that I woke up about 2 am every night for a while in a panic and in disbelief about my situation when it was still new. More than three months down the line, I'm sleeping great. Of course, I still have low moments but overall I'm regaining a sense of calm and a sense of self. You'll get there. Be patient.

[HopeTex]

Thanks for the encouragement.

[HopeTex]

Got the kids off to school without a hitch - Go Dad! GRandparents have them thru Saturday, then I have them thru Wednesday. THat will be a big challenge but I am up to it.

Had lunch with a divorced buddy and he confirmed my guess that I will typically feel better when I am with the kids.

Felt so-so this morning after dropping the kids off, but better than yesterday. I tend to gain strength/stability as the day goes on. Today I was actually somewhat productive at work. It is hard to describe to people who have not been thru it how excruciating this part of D is - the move out and the weeks following the move out. But every guy who has been divorced that I have talked to says they felt the same way. Just about the worst feeling ever. We lost a newborn baby a decade ago, and maybe I just have blacked it out, but I don't remember feeling this much pain even then.

Things are still cordial and cooperative with the W. It takes all I can muster to not let on to her the anguish I am in, I just act calm and kind of quiet when I am with her. Looking forward to some day being more relaxed and jovial around her. But right now I just feel rejected and ill, and a little mad, so I can't fake (or be) jovial yet.

Not sure what her state of mind is right now. I do notice that she, like me, has lost a lot of weight. And she was skinny to start with, so she looks a bit emaciated. But she is acting happy and normal when we are around people. I imagine her main worries right now are the kids and her finances.

[Nitty]

HopeTex, I am thinking of you and your children in your new digs. It looks like you guys are off to a good start, you are doing a great job!

[Nitty]

HopeTex, in re-reading my response I see I focused too much on the positive and didn't touch on the anguish you are feeling.

I do know that anguish and I'm so sorry you're in a bad place. What I meant to say is that you ARE doing so many positive things in the face of such a difficult situation.

[HopeTex]

Understood, Nitty, thanks for the encouragement. I need to focus more on the positives as well.

[HopeTex]

Having a decent week so far. Up and down, but slowly regaining some basic sanity and functionality. It has been tiring but great to have the kids the last 4 nights. I now know for sure that I can handle it. And enjoy it. And the kids enjoy it too. I can already tell that one blessing of this terrible situation is that I will definitely have a different and much different relationship with my kids. When you have a stay at home wife, as a husband you get kind of lazy with parenting. At least I did. Now it is all me when I have them, I have to/get to make every meal, referee every squabble, decide all discipline, decide what fun thing to do next, make sure their clothes are clean, make sure their homework is done, etc. it is tough, and I have even more respect for my wife and all women who do it. The benefit is that you have a much deeper relationship with the kids. I can tell they view me differently, are happier to see me, are more cuddly and living, and talk to me more about their day. I am a lot more relevant to them now than ever i Used to be. That is nice.
I worry about how down and lonely I will be tomorrow night when W returns from trip and I am home alone.
Finally starting to feel some healthy anger toward W. Will try to Keep it healthy and not let it interfere with out productive coparenting. I can be angry at her for wrecking our family, but expressing that to her serves no purpose. I need to continue to detach and heal and recover and build a new life.