Shakspr #3; Love's Labours Lost

[Shakspr]

MrBond: DB'g post-D

I have read and re-read pages 152-153 in DR many times. I don't think it is over. My WAW certainly does, and has a new man waiting in the wings. Only I will know when to give up. But I am committed to evaluating my progress after one year, with another year expected after that (unless she remarries, of course). No dating, nothing except self-improvement, GAL, and becoming the best Shakspr I can become.

1) Can/could/should I attempt to reach agreement with my W regarding exposure of my children to OM? I recall seeing mixed results here on the boards when this is attempted.

2) She is super-protective of her phone, is most likely texting him on the reg. I am ignoring it, haven't mentioned him or the EA since last Tuesday. But it's messing with my PMA - her whole body language changes enough for me to suspect that is what she is doing w/o MR. Any tips on how to power through that (other than, toughen up!) So far, I've just been focusing my time on the kids and treating her like a neighbor. I know, 2 more weeks is all I'll have her here. I should try to enjoy it, strange as that seems.

3) Speaking of which, the next two weeks are stressful for her (new job, packing, leaving our marriage). I'm staying out of it and taking care of the children as much as possible. Any tips, aside from PMA? I'm not GAL'g much - still working out (down 16 lbs!) so I can be a good father while my children are still living here at home. I mentioned on another thread - that memory
book idea you did with your kids - that was amazing, and something I never would have thought of on my own.

4) The future: What, in your experience, has been the most successful approach when XW is friendly and cooperative in matters concerning the children, and appears to be enjoying her new life? Cordial? Brief? Nonchalant? Clearly, going forward, GAL activities by myself and with the children are for me, but should shine through to her. If I have an accomplishment (complete a sprint Triathlon, climb a tough peak), should I
share if/when she asks "How are you doing?"

5) I intend to severely limit calling her directly, texting child care details as necessity warrants. Is this good practice?. I am providing a mobile phone for my children so they can call me or I can call them (with limits to be established.)

6) Finally, how do I communicate that I am leaving the road home paved and smooth? Does that come later if she shows an unusual level of interest in what I'm doing, how it's going in my life? She told me once, in late Aug, that even if she changed her mind in the future, she was afraid my pride would prevent me from giving us a chance. I don't want her to think I feel that way, even as she is now walking out the door.

I am still grieving, but the overwhelming part of it is starting to pass now. I am working hard to crush the feelings of failure, focusing on what God requires, what I need, and what my children need.

Strangely, today has been full of the "I can't believe this is happening for REAL feeling" that I haven't really experienced since getting the D papers. I would rather not cycle through all that crap again.

I feel a little foolish and honestly, unmanly, holding out hope while being detached and soon divorced. She clearly wants someone else now, and has justified her decision in her own mind. I suppose only I will know when I am completely done.