Lots to think about, especially re finances. If I am going to face reality, I need to start thinking ahead. We haven't set a budget. Nothing really has changed for me financially. Part of that is wishful thinking, and I do still trust him to not intentionally hurt me.
But I already had one BD. If this is going to happen-- if I'm going to be on my own-- I need to have a plan.
I do have my own account. My paycheck goes into a joint account at that bank that he doesn't really touch. He seems to have his own account too, at a different bank where his paycheck goes into another joint account. Most of our bills are paid from that joint account. Like I said, even with generous spousal support for 2-3 years and CS, im probably better off at the moment.
I am holding on because i still want this marriage to work for many many reasons. I have to do some major soul searching i guess.
And, Maybell, you are totally right that I have to be willing to save myself, regardless of what happens in my M. I am well on the path to that. I can recognize the many blessings in my life and hold my head high with the strength and grace I have shown in the past year. I see my own value and approach problems with thoughtfulness and hope, not panic and dread.
I still have plenty of work to do, but I am on the right path and my progress can never be taken away.
