Yesterday I had my first appointment with an IC. She's very nice and has tons of emotionally based experience under her belt, a PhD, experience at Gottman's Love Lab, etc. Here's hoping the price tag is worth it all.
The first session is usually a downloading of the backstory and that's pretty much what it was. She observed that it was clear we didn't feel safe enough to be vulnerable, to be able to connect outside of to-do lists, that feelings were not considered, etc. I have an appointment next week. We'll see
For the last month or so H has been coming over on Mondays to hang with D while I go to yoga. This means he has to leave work early which is a big thing to ask of him. I don't get into the nitty gritty of it, I just ask if he's available to watch D on Monday at 5:00 so I can make a 5:30 yoga class, if not, I have babysitters I can call but I want to give him the first right of refusal, so to speak. He has never once been late or said last-minute that he can't do it which is a huge 180 from pre BD. I really like this change in him.
I'm really trying to see changes he's making and there are many when I pay attention. He's MUCH less negative. More reliable. Less closed off (but I still give him space). I need to focus on these changes because they give me hope. Lots of hope.
Last night he asked if, since he didn't have a kitchen table in his apartment (why? i don't know) he could take a couple of our stools from our breakfast bar. I immediately took that as a sign that he's planning on coming home. Long shot? Oh probably. I'm just noting that he could just go out to Target and get a table and chairs. He was also just at Ikea getting D a bed but apparently didn't feel the need to get a table and chairs. Instead, he asked if he could "borrow" the stools. I said, "oh sure! That'll be fine. Absolutely."
