Just wanted to chime in that I read your posts, almost all if not all of them But I usually don't have anything to say or give advice on. I have some of the same frustrations/questions re: limbo, when does it end, etc., that if I can't answer for myself I don't feel like I'd be a good resource for anyone else. Re: R talk, I've interpreted that to mean that conversations about financials and logistics are OK and necessary. Just not things that are solely about the R - "Where are you at with regard to us?" "Are you still thinking about D?" etc. Granted some of the logistical things are based on or imply something about the R so I'm careful to ask myself "Do I really need to ask about X or am I using it as a way to see where he's at with regard to us?" Re: the finances, maybe it starts with a question about whether or not there is any comingled money vs. solely his money. And even if it is solely his, wouldn't you be entitled to support or maintenance of some type given the big difference in income, so having some knowledge of it (mostly making sure it's not completely disappearing) is still appropriate? This is where an L's advice would come in handy, because if you were worried it was all being frivaled away, you could take steps to freeze it or disclose it. Not saying your H would do that but you hear stories about people who delay D so they can spend or hide assets. If what you are concerned about is "I don't want any of my money spent on his dating" maybe starting with simply asking if there is any joint money you don't have access to view is enough to start with, and go from there.
Me:30 H:29, no kids T:12, M:4 (when D was final) 12/13: "Don't think I want to be M anymore" 6/14: Separated (I move) 1/15: H filed for D 5/15: D final
But I usually don't have anything to say or give advice on. I have some of the same frustrations/questions re: limbo, when does it end, etc., that if I can't answer for myself I don't feel like I'd be a good resource for anyone else. Re: R talk, I've interpreted that to mean that conversations about financials and logistics are OK and necessary. Just not things that are solely about the R - "Where are you at with regard to us?" "Are you still thinking about D?" etc. Granted some of the logistical things are based on or imply something about the R so I'm careful to ask myself "Do I really need to ask about X or am I using it as a way to see where he's at with regard to us?" Re: the finances, maybe it starts with a question about whether or not there is any comingled money vs. solely his money. And even if it is solely his, wouldn't you be entitled to support or maintenance of some type given the big difference in income, so having some knowledge of it (mostly making sure it's not completely disappearing) is still appropriate? This is where an L's advice would come in handy, because if you were worried it was all being frivaled away, you could take steps to freeze it or disclose it. Not saying your H would do that but you hear stories about people who delay D so they can spend or hide assets. If what you are concerned about is "I don't want any of my money spent on his dating" maybe starting with simply asking if there is any joint money you don't have access to view is enough to start with, and go from there.