I broke into my W's phone again and found a text between her and the OM
This is one of the reasons your wife doesn't feel she loves you anymore. You have to understand that this doesn't come across as a confident man. Women are attracted to confident men. Confident men don't break into their W's phone....
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I told her that I saw her type in her code (literally from 40 ft away) and decided to look. I asked her about the texts and she basically denied everything. I asked "can you explain why you said that you loved him" and she said "I don't remember saying that." I also found a bunch of photos of him on her phone plus photos of them together.
More of the same. This comes across as weak and desperate. That will NEVER draw her back or help her feelings come back for you.
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I reiterated that I want to work on our M but I will not share my W with anyone else
Do you see how you are trying to sound strong on one hand and yet are coming across as weak on the other hand? "I won't share you, but I do want and NEED (needy) to keep snooping on you"..
This is why she can't get her feelings back for you. Women aren't attracted to men who act like this. It's a huge turnoff, even to a woman in an affair...
If you aren't going to share her and want to come across as confident and strong then stop snooping and stop telling her this isn't what you want. Your ACTIONS on this will show her you won't share. Your actions are coming across like you are pressuring her to break it off with the OM by using divorce as a 2x4.. Forcing her to come back won't work..... Pressure doesn't work... You have to take off the pressure...
IMHO a confident man says... "I have decided that this isn't working for me and this isn't what I want. I don't believing in sharing my wife with another man. I think you should move out as soon as possible and I am going to file for divorce and will let you know the details after I meet with my lawyer."
Confident, firm and resolved. Not mean spirited. Just matter of fact... I HAVE DECIDED...
Nothing about "this isn't what I want or stop seeing the OM or what about the kids".. etc etc.... NOTHING...
When you do this you will gain back some of the respect she lost for you. Maybe even some of your own self respect back...
Women are attracted to strong, confident, decisive men who have integrity. She KNOWS what she is doing is wrong.
