Depressed WAW, digging in, learning about myself

[Card29]

I still get a little disheartened everytime she shows how anxious she is to sell the house. I know it is an inevitable next step, and every month we don't sell is another $1500-$2000 we lose (mortgage, utilities, Internet, etc). So there is an obvious reason to want it to sell as quickly as possible. But I still have to fight the fear that she just wants to sell so she can file for D as soon as possible.

Last night I felt weird. The female instructor of the salsa class is around my age and super attractive. She's been complimenting my dancing for a couple of weeks, but last night she complimented my eyes... I don't know if she's actually hitting on me or just trying to keep me around because it's an extra $10 for the studio every week. I would still go if it was a 90 yr old teaching the class because it is FUN, but last night I almost had the feeling of "if she's going to file for D, I wish she would go ahead and do it so I can move on to other options like the girl from the dance studio". Today my head has cleared up and I feel like I'm willing to wait as long as it takes again. But my thoughts last night scared me a little.

Also, I'm detached enough now that I am no longer sad to be around my D2 alone. But that means I miss her like crazy on days I don't have her! Feel like I am wasting her childhood by not seeing her half of the time. I'm going to start making a more concerted effort to visit her at daycare on days I don't have her. Couldn't today because I was in an all day meeting