still waiting

[25yearsmlc]

Maybell, I'm glad my interactions have been of help in some way to someone. I'm not doing so well right now. Feel like I blew it with my daughter yesterday a bit, although we are in a more honest place with each other now.

I'm glad you're in a more honest place and believe me, that's important. But I ache for you and your d. Our d's are still working on their R's with their dad. They were hurt when he left and he's digging himself out of a hole he made. (So you know, I'm glad he's doing the work and at times I feel sorry for him. Other times I want o scream at him that I had warned him of this!

But why say "I told you so" if one can avoid it?

I am struggling the way you were a few days ago.

On the one hand, I DO NOT want to ever be with H again. EVER. I do not like the person he has become and cannot respect the choices he's making. He does deserve happiness, and he should absolutely be free to make choices that serve his happiness in his life, but the way he has gone about this is causing so much harm to me, and more importantly to our daughter, that I will never be able to see him in the same way again. And certainly never trust him. So what's the point? Why am I fighting to save a M I don't even want? Out of fear? Out of a need to "win"? Out of a desire to keep our family intact at the expense of my own need for a real loving, trustworthy partner? I need to be done with him. Really, really done.

Great questions. But as you suspect, YOU are the only one who can answer those questions and you can only answer them for you.

Financial considerations are not meaningless, esp when there are children. If you could somehow KNOW that you'd be financially secure after divorcing, would that make a difference? A big difference?

Also, I am a big fan of redemption = I believe in it and think the wayward spouse has to know the "Road home is paved and smooth" if he/she makes the effort.

So I'd say to an LBSer, "don't make it harder to return than it already would be."

OTOH If you know, truly, that you cannot ever forgive him, (for whatever reason), then cutting bait now might make sense...

Do you KNOW that you'll never trust him again? (Even if you forgive him)? B/C if you really truly KNOW That is reality, then actually you have some clarity...

Keep posting, b/c as important as this time is in your life, it might be the only thing you really do FOR you and your peace of mind.
And remember, you will be happy again. Model that inner knowledge and inner

peace for your d. When she faces a setback or betrayal in life (and she will) you will have shown her real life examples of how to get thru it to the other side.