Is it possible that he didn't love me enough and now he really just found his soulmate? Or is he a man who is just incapable of long term love and commitment because he doesn't know how to sustain it?
My mind keeps spinning from one end of the spectrum to another - that he got lost and will realize he made a mistake to maybe I just wasn't the right girl for him and that is why he cheated and left me.
Anyone have thoughts on this?
Engaged Aug 2009 Fiancé had doubts Jan 2010 Happily re-engaged July 2012 Discovery of affair July 2014 Separated July 2014 Fiancé is confused about whom to choose Chose the OW Oct 2014
Happiness in not in having what you want, but rather in wanting what you have.
Soul mates, didn't love you more... Love is a choice. Being soul-mates takes work, hard work. True love isn't found. It's built from the ground up.
Don't try and figure him out right now. He's in a fog and not himself. You'll only drive yourself crazy. Instead, focus on being a wife only a fool would leave.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Gosh Jefe, you are so right. And I really was a good fiancé - I treated him kindly and with love, admired him, helped him succeed at work and supported him unconditionally, contributed fully to his lifestyle, gave him gifts and affection. We had fun together and I always could make him laugh. Maybe we could have had a bit more spark but after 7 years it wasn't awful.
My DB coach (who is awesome) says that there is some lesson he needs to learn for himself in all this. We'll see... Maybe he needed to learn how not to take real love for granted and recognize what it is. .
Engaged Aug 2009 Fiancé had doubts Jan 2010 Happily re-engaged July 2012 Discovery of affair July 2014 Separated July 2014 Fiancé is confused about whom to choose Chose the OW Oct 2014
Don't try and figure him out right now. He's in a fog and not himself. You'll only drive yourself crazy. Instead, focus on being a wife womanonly a fool would leave.
There; fixed it for you. ^^^
Seriously, it's an important distinction. As harsh as it sounds, Zimmy's husband has basically "fired" her as his wife right now. Through GALing and the other DB principles her job is to detach and portray herself as a WOMAN that any man would love to have, while communicating to her husband that while she doesn't WANT a divorce, she respects his wishes and she realizes that she's going to be okay as she begins to move on.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
What happens to their attachment to us in these situations? Is it just buried temporarily while they are in the affair fog?
What about dating others as part of GAL? Does that help or hurt the situation?
Engaged Aug 2009 Fiancé had doubts Jan 2010 Happily re-engaged July 2012 Discovery of affair July 2014 Separated July 2014 Fiancé is confused about whom to choose Chose the OW Oct 2014
Dating is an intensely personal topic, and highly controversial as well. I only did it when:
a) I had already filed for D;
b) I had totally moved on;
c) I let my wife know I was going to begin to date;
d) I clearly let the other woman (only ended up having one date) where I was at with my marriage.
Interestingly, it DID work -- immediately. But I wouldn't have ever done it just as a mere "tactic." I had to TRULY be done; otherwise, I was just fighting infidelity with more infidelity.
All good points. I still love my wayward fiance, but the old him - not the one who he is being now. He has broken my heart.
I am not married so that is not an issue. I don't feel like I owe him loyalty or have any duty to tell him. I am not ready to move on, but then again is don't know when and if I ever will be. Don't I need to start somewhere? I'm so scared that I'm going to end up bitter and alone while he is happy with the OW.
What do mean when you said it did work?
Engaged Aug 2009 Fiancé had doubts Jan 2010 Happily re-engaged July 2012 Discovery of affair July 2014 Separated July 2014 Fiancé is confused about whom to choose Chose the OW Oct 2014
I am having a rough night. Still in denial that I have been abandoned for a woman he barely knows. Not sure what I am going to do with my house (sell or fight to keep, just move out into a new apartment back in NYC, etc.), how to handle the upcoming holidays, etc. Really low.
Have considered really letting go and accepting that he has moved on. You know, all these books say that betrayal is never about the BS. For me, I think that is mostly true - I wasn't perfect but I was a good fiancé and didn't deserve this. And then I think, was it just that I wasn't good enough? That he really did find someone better for him? Sigh. Brutal thoughts.... Just venting.
Engaged Aug 2009 Fiancé had doubts Jan 2010 Happily re-engaged July 2012 Discovery of affair July 2014 Separated July 2014 Fiancé is confused about whom to choose Chose the OW Oct 2014
I am going to a betrayed spouses support group tomorrow night, which I am really looking forward to. Think it will be very sad but soothing to connect with others in person who have been through all this.
Engaged Aug 2009 Fiancé had doubts Jan 2010 Happily re-engaged July 2012 Discovery of affair July 2014 Separated July 2014 Fiancé is confused about whom to choose Chose the OW Oct 2014
