Mindsin - pt. 4 (the countdown begins)

[mindsin]

Tough conversation

My W sat me down for a talk last night. She made it clear to me that she wants to file for divorce after the new year. She said this upcoming cruise will be the last family vacation we'd be going on. She burst into tears and reiterated again how she can't trust me, and that she was hoping that we could at least be friends, but even now she doesn't know.

This morning, she reached out to me via texts:

W: how are you feeling this morning, after our tough conversations from last night?
Me: I didn't think our conversations were all that tough.
W: really?
Me: yeah. Especially our 2nd conversation.
W: I am glad you feel that way. It was tough for me. overflow of emotions (in D3's room)
Me: I know.
Me: I know you're going through a lot of pain.
W: our 2nd one, I'd agree, it was actually really helpful in a calm and peaceful way
Me: It hurts me to see you cry.
W: Just for the record, no matter how challenged our relationship were, I never ever wanted to see you get hurt either. It took a lot out of me seeing you cry at times.
Me: I'm a very resilient person emotionally, believe it or not.
W: I may come across unemotional, but I do feel it in my heart of hearts. But I don't want to mislead compassion (for being together for so long) to something else for you.
Me: something else?
W: I don't want you to think if I am comforting you in any ways, that there is a chance we would get back together.
W: Which is why I've been very to the point, and not get involved in anything else.
Me: Leave that up to me to decide.
W: Well, that could be a problem, leaving you to decipher or read between the lines. You've never been the best at that.
Me: Nobody can predict the future. Did you think 6 months ago that we'd end up here?
W: I knew I wanted a change, but no, to your point, not exactly.
Do you understand that, when I say, regardless what happens with me and [OM], my decision to be happy, still stands?
Me: I understood that from the beginning.
Me: But like I said, nobody can predict the future.
W: I was thinking this morning on the drive in to work, that I actually (if you would allow), really like to read your journal. I think it helps me to understand you a little better. I think you were right to say last night, that in the past, when I thought i was doing the right thing for you, I wasn't.
Me: I will let you read it when the time is right.
W: Okay.
Me: Right now, it isn't the right time, and won't be for the forseeable future.
Me: I have no expectations. I only have hope.
W: Well, all kidding aside, you were always the more optimistic one
Me: Without hope, there is no point of living.
W: well, i have to go now. I need to fill out paperwork.