Not much progress

[Card29]

I'm confused. You say it was wrong yet you defend it based on what a primitive animal would do. I'm pretty sure most of the murders in our inner cities happen from this mentality- protecting turf, etc. I don't think we should get into an origins debate here, but whether one believes we were specially created, intelligently evolved or blindly evolved, almost every leader of any of those views agrees that we should be beyond out primitive instincts.

Hey, I also don't blame you for your reaction. If I caught my W with OM, i might do the exact same thing no matter how sure I was that it is wrong. Who knows how much it hurt your sitch as a one-time occurrence, but I would do everything you can to make sure it doesn't happen again. If even the threat of it continues to exist, it will hurt any chance you have with WAW, and it will teach your S to solve problems with violence and emotion.

I think you need to go completely dark until the situation is resolved- either she leaves OM or you finalize a D and then you have enough time to cope. My FIL cheated on my MIL 18 years ago. He is still with OW, has been married to her for 16 years. MIL was betrayed for no good reason and rightfully was devastated. But she never dealt with it in a healthy way. She clung to the anger because she felt she deserved it. The sustained anger has done so much more damage to her than the actual A, IMO. She is miserable most of the time, even though she almost never sees her ex-H and NEVER sees OW. Who knows how long this A will last, but right now, detachment, no contact and finding your happiness independently is the best thing for your self in the short and long term, best for our S, and best for your M's chances. You have been betrayed in one of the worst ways imaginable. Your WAW has done a terrible thing. You didn't deseve it regardless of the problems leading to it. But don't set yourself on fire to get smoke in someone else's eyes. You do not want to live a life like that

Angry outbursts in most cases will drive her further into his arms. Many women could even feel insulted, like you think it is OM's fault and she is just a dumb animal to be won by the conquering male. Who knows if your WAS has that reaction.