I pulled in and jumped out and began to assalt him , then to make matters worse my son jumped in and got a few licks in also .
Whooaa, I'm going to take a wild guess and say that doesn't help your case. Get control of yourself man.
If your W continues to carry on an A, you have two choices: 1) If you're ok with living in an open M and waiting this out, you need to work on your detachment. This mean no more confronting OM. You work on yourself and display to your W that you are the better man. Are you honestly surprised that she's been distant since you assaulted OM? Do you think that earned her respect/love?
2)If you decide that you are not willing to live in an open M, you have to put your foot down. Decide what that means to you and post here first so the vets can help you separate ultimatums from boundaries. But starting down the D path is an option you'll have to strongly consider.
Trust me Dawgy, I understand the anger towards OM (and your W). I almost ran into OM at the grocery a few weeks back (he didn't see me) and I honestly couldn't tell you how I would have reacted had we made eye contact. Strongly consider the 2 options above, then post your decision here so that you can get guidance on your next steps. Like you, I tried a compromise of the 2 (I'm not ok with the A, but I don't want a D) for the longest time and it just portrayed me as weak, controlling, insecure...you name it.
