still waiting

[Ahoy]

raliced -- you are right -- some of the pain I'm experiencing is tied up in the idea that there is proof of OW -- and even more because he would leave it on his computer where D could see it. I've felt all along that there was an OW, but you're right that the confirmation is difficult. But it does make more sense than the other nonsense reasons he provided. On the other hand, I'm glad for the clarity because I would hate to think that my marriage could be ruined by me simply "not hosting enough parties" (one of my H's reasons why our marriage was so impossible).

Your reasons for waiting are right -- and they are the same reasons I am waiting at least until January. I know that both H and I are on emotional roller coasters (although he never shows his emotional side to any of our friends or to me or daughter), so I don't trust our decision making at this point.

However, I think, for my own sake, I need to be done with him in my heart. If things change, I'll be open to that, but for now I have to tell him goodbye -- not to his face of course. But in my heart and mind I have to say goodbye and REALLY detach. Basically, in my mind, the H I had is dead. This new person is a stranger with whom I have to figure out how to coparent. I can be friendly, but that is all.

I think maybe I should stop accepting his invitations to do things together for a while. I need some space away from him.

I really appreciate the words of support. I'm in a low spot at the moment.