Whenever I see Ahoy, I think of Mr Burns on the Simpsons, who occasionally greets people with "Ahoy-Hoy".
First of all, I think you handled a 14 year old about as well as you can. I've wished often in the last couple of months that H would have at least waited to meltdown until my girls were older, and you just made me realize there is no "better" time for this. There's also no perfect script for this and no way for you to take away her pain. She's luck to have you,
Just a blunt question - how many of your feelings today do you think are related to your daughter's revelation about the woman on your H's computer? Suspecting is one thing, actual evidence is something completely different. And it takes a while to absorb.
You're the only one who knows if your marriage is worth standing for. You had mentioned waiting until the end of the year. Coincidentally, I have a similar timeline. I know some posters have cautioned against timelines, but I think giving yourself this minimum amont of time to really decide what you want to do is important. As you have noted, our feelings change frequently, day by day.
I hear you. Frankly, I am repulsed by my own husband right now. I can't believe the things he has done and the person who he has become. And even if he started making better decisions, I'm well aware he will never be the sweet man that I married again. You can't leave your family and have affairs without it changing you permanently. Who knows what he will look like when he comes out of the tunnel.
Everyone is different. For me, I have three reasons for trying to stick it out. I genuinely believe it would be better for my children. My rational mind remembers that we once had a joyous and loving marriage (even though I am long way from feeling that way about him now). And I truly believe he's sick, and that part was covered in the vows.
Best wishes to you and your daughter, today Ahoy - wish I could give profound advice. Hang in there. You'll have a better day soon.
