Need help

[lostluv]

"That's MUCH better."

**thanks - just takes me a couple tries I guess - that's why I need to work on my communication. once something is said it can't be taken back**


"Stop with the "good morning beautiful" and the rest is fine to continue. I mean she still lives with you after all."

**i have called her beautiful since before we got married. I have always done the good morning beautiful if we were not together when we woke up, if we were together....i said it in person. that's why it bothers me so much to NOT do it. **


"Good. But don't do it all the time."

**i started with every day, now i'm doing it 4 days a week. working with my boss to slowly work it back to rarely - i enjoy doing this because I get to see my daughter first thing and I get to see her first smile and make her laugh to start her day. but I know It can't be permanent - one of her original complaintes was that I didn't help with my daughter enough and she felt like a single parent - so she might as well be one**


"Did you work out before? How do you look physically?"

**started working out in december - have lost 40+ lbs and am back in the shape i was (or better) then when my wife and I met. i was on a bad path with my health and decided to do something about it. especially after having fertility issues, i wanted to make sure I was healthy to improve our chances. although I actually started getting back into shape for my health, I also wanted to appeal to her more in a sexual way. she would make comments like "you were skinny when we met"...I'm 6'1" @ 200 lb, just competed in a 10 mile obstical course, 34" waist, 48" chest (just to give an idea?) - almost have 6-pack now. she has also lost 25 lbs and looks great, but she did her weight loss about the time of the OM / EA (which she denies) - for the past couple years we would not have sex often unless it was time to try for getting pregnant. even she made a comment earlier this year that its no fun when you HAVE to do it....??? **
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"Why every other night? Are you and your W taking turns? There may be a few times where you can do it together."

**yes, we take turns. but depends if something is going on OR one of us is sick or not feeling well. there are times that one of us would do it more than one night in a row. same goes for giving baths - not sure how our daughter would handle both of us doing it....she gets pretty wound up and we have been setting the pattern of just one parent since she was a baby**


"Did you never clean before?"

** yes, but i not as much. I used to get upset because everything was cluttered and try to keep up but got tired of trying to do everything (work, remodeling, outside yard work, etc) and that is one thing that set off some of our problems - not realizing how much my wife actually contributed and feeling she should have been doing more - we got into some fights about that - neither of us appreciated what the other was actually doing**


"This is a good one."

**i'm not really a pet person, my wife LOVES animals. in the past, i would be taking care of them but get mad because I would think "why am i taking care of the pets, she is the one that wants them.....if she don't want to take care of them, she should get rid of them" again, these were THOUGHTS, i never said it but i'm sure she could tell that I didn't like doing it. I've finally realized that I need to support HER needs as well and her love for animals as they are like her "children" if you will**


"What were some of the "stupid" things you would buy?"

all kinds of things - always buying accessories for vehicles, electronics. i continuously would wheel and deal and make money, but rather than using all of the extra money, i would just buy more stuff. I did buy new furniture with some of the extra money, but was always looking for things to buy and re-sell. eventually started not reselling things and make excuses to keep it. I had a jeep and harley that were paid off and I traded them for a truck and corvette - that was after we bought the bigger house because we wanted to try for more kids. The corvette was sold and money was used to pay off bills - the wife admitted that was a big issue for her even though we talked about it prior to me buying and she didn't say no....**



"Don't ask."

** assumed as much - I'm assuming that means don't try to hold her hand, kiss or hug her either? let her initiate?? i'm not looking for sex (even though I miss that as well), just miss her so badly. **

I want to still be the loving husband that I should be, but it seems hard to do without appearing to try to do "too much".