Newcomer living in Hell

[bravo61]

just saw the W at soccer practice. D wanted to go to the playground for a minute and W invited me, even asked if i thought the bench was big enough for both of us (sounds like an invite to me-at least as close as i'll get from her). we had nice small talk. she mentioned that she had asked atty to adjust the wording to make it joint legal custody because i explained that i would defer to her in most matters but just want to feel as if my opinion mattered. she said that at times in the past i didn't seem to respect her opinion. i validated and agreed with her view of that. she said that she has seen that given her upbringing, she had a high tolerance for not speaking up and taking things she never should have. she admitted that she pushed it down deep inside until it explodes. i admitted my part in that as i never knew what boundaries were. she shared stuff from her work and said that we need to get together to start planning for the upcoming vacation. told her to let me know and i'd try to find a time to schedule that (that's me being mysterious and unavailable-i'm not good at it but trying). got the kids in the car and she waited for me so she could hug me. hugged her and tickled her like i did my D. she laughed and jokingly said i'll stab you with my keys (while laughing and smiling). she reached out and gave me another hug while saying "we had a good night, huh". didn't say anything just smiled. couple times earlier she was kinda snappy towards me. i calmly said hey i get this is important to you but please don't snap at me, we're on the same team. she quickly apologized and admitted that she comes across that aggressive as she's still learning to set boundaries with everyone and it's not natural to her. told her i could accept that and appreciate her work toward that and said i could already see a difference. man i still love her. while we were on the bench, she put her leg under her so she could turn and face me on the bench while we talked. what's crazy is that every time we are together we have a good time and she usually does a temperature check at some point (her comment bout the good night). frustrating seeing a train wreck coming but she won't get off the track.argh!!!