Do I walk away from WAW? (1)

[1foot2]

Ok issues in the M:

- communication. I am generally avoidant of "hard" discussions in many areas of my life, and I definitely shy away from voicing concerns I have w/W, out of not trusting myself not to be too hard on her, or fearing that she will return the criticism of something in another area. She is big on deflecting. This can turn into passive-aggressive behavior from both of us. I feel like I am conscious of my Ws LL and do and say lots of positive things for her, lots of compliments, affection, acts of service, but if I am in a low mood, I will withhold those.

- responsibility. There is a vacuum here in the M. We are similar, both bright intelligent people but underachievers. We procrastinate. Projects don't get finished. My W is strangely unburdened by housework, I think that she's unable to see it as a series of small tasks and is overwhelmed by the big picture of running th house, so she's withdrawn from it. I too struggle with this but I've long come to terms with th fact that I must carry the weight. I do the vast majority of picking up, sweepng/vacuuming, garbage, dish washing, washing and folding laundry, grocery shopping, bathroom cleaning. There was a time where we were more equal with this but it's just slid out of balance. She handles most of the cooking, but occasionally complains that I don't help enough with that, to which I think, but don't say, .well i do just about everything else. I have pitched in there at times though. Resentment builds.

- I am unhappy at my job. W has urged me to get a new job for years but I have a lot of frustration with the next step in my career. I have never found my true professional calling and it eats at me everyday. W openly hates my job which makes me feel crappy for ever sacrificing any family time or convenience for her schedule in favor of my job. I think she is tired of waiting for me to make a change, even though she is in a very similar boat.

- I struggle with depression, and have since before college. I'm currently doing better than I have in years, after deciding to readdress my issues in the wake of bomb drop. I have a lot of anxiety, now largely in check, and intensely negative feelings about past regrets. I think W is simply tired of dealing with me. She sees my inability to beat this as a failure on her part. I believe that she is struggling with similar issues too, but she handles them differently. I get low, paralyzed, quiet. She projects a calm rational strength.

- Ws health - this is a total tangle. W has had longstanding issues with fatigue, exhaustion, weakened immune system. She catches everything that goes around, and lives in constant fear of getting sick. I would say she has a brief bout of something every ten days, necessitating me adjusting whatever expectations I had to accommodate her. Plenty of semi planned weekend activities turn into me with th kids. For years, I have struggled with how much of this is genuine, how much is her convincing herself she is sick, and how much is just her mechanism for dealing with something g she doesn't want to do. This is not a good place for me to be mentally, and I can only imagine the toll on takes on her.

I need to detail more but I am passing out. Thee are that major ones.