Wow....to sit in and hear that. What an experience that must be. And to stay "detached" from your own experience?? How do you not personalize it.... I mean, I know, but still....you're human. It must be somewhat difficult to hear, both in the compassion sense and the heartbreak sense.
You know, Shining, to me knowledge is power and helping people fills me up. So, while I hurt for the people who share their stories, I am energied when I could empathize, when they get it, and when they feel heard and understood.
This really is such a heartbreaking thing to go through..on both sides.
The MLCer feels like he is sinking. He is tormented and depressed, feeling like he is swimming in mud with a weight on his back.
It's hard to remember that when they do the things they do and when they seem like they are happy in their life.
The spouse is left blindsided, having to pick of the pieces of their shattered life.
Tough, tough stuff.
Since we arent in a MLC, their words and actions really are foreign to us.
They are just trying to find something, some combination of things, to make them feel better.
One of the reasons you and I connected is because we both want to understand. We want it to make sense because it if does, then it's fixable. I get it. You know that.
The thing about this is that it just doesnt make sense...for a lot of reasons. Mostly it is personal to the person in it. Their life experiences, their ability to cope, their memories and pain. And so, no matter how we try, we arent in their skin, heart or head.
This doesnt go in a straight line. It goes round and through and round again.
Imagine feeling such pain that you destroy your family. Imagine being so lost that you become someone opposite of who you were.
Shining, you just have to trust. You have to believe in you. You have to take the chance to let him go with love.
There are no guarantees with this....except this one. If you look within, you will be forever changed.
He has to slay his demons. He has to go back and figure out where it went wrong. He has to want to get through this.
He knows you are there. He knows you love him. Trust me on that. He knows just where to find you for right now.
He is fighting with everything he has. I know it doesnt seem like it, but, he is. Whether he has the strength to get through it, only time will tell. But you want to give him the best chance. The best chance is for him to be unemcumbered and for him to not be looking over his shoulder at you. He needs all his energy for this.
It really is best for you not to try to figure out his mindset. The truth is that you dont want to know it. It really is crazy up in there.
I understand your struggle, my friend.
I love your family, by the way. Love the nerdy stuff. Love the potato poems. You are so blessed.
