Maybell XIV

[Maybell]

Betsy, I didn't feel in the dumps because of your post. I was really, really frustrated with myself for Friday. I went back to your post because I felt lost and I needed a starting place to go back to to find a new way. Nor do I think you're a biatch for being firm with your daughter. Parenting would be simpler if we all were.

D11 got a phone in September and she does occasionally text my H with it. I will take Ss's advice about telling rather than asking and making them tell H directly if they don't want to talk, as Betsey suggested. No matter what happens, I want my kids to have the skills and confidence to communicate clearly with the people they care about.

My FIL has apparently been pressuring my H to fly down for Thanksgiving rather than take the 11 hr drive. (He's even offered to pay for the tickets, which is absurd all things considered.) So H was bombarding me with all these logistical questions, like should he schedule this flight or that one, etc. I was feeling more and more upset and finally I texted an answer that should have dealt wih everything he could need to know to make his plans and then said "please limit how much you involve me in your logistics as I'm feeling hurt and angry at being kicked out of your family for the holidays."

He didn't answer me all day. But I felt good about drawing that boundary rather than letting him hurt me without even realizing I might have feelings about it. I hope it wasn't too harsh, but couldn't think how to say it more gently.

That thing about my dad just popped up from the article I read, which was intending to help me with my D11. The text was full of "so she knows how a boy should treat her" comments, and it really brought up all that stuff about my dad for me. I don't know if I'm ready to go back to IC. Aside from the trust issue, I don't think tackling that right now is consistent with limiting the navel-gazing. I have never really LIVED my life for myself. I need some practice at it.

Good things for this week: chaperoned a fun field trip today. Yoga tomorrow and more job search, and I'm signing up for a novel-plotting webinar in preparation for NaNoWriMo (with my favorite writing instructor). Wednesday is open, so job search & writing and a run. Thursday lunch with a friend and the webinar. Friday spending the day with a good friend who lives an hour away. This weekend kids want to decorate the house for Halloween and we'll probably do some baking.

I'm in a weird place today, kind of an in-between place of wishing this weren't happening to me and being ok with where I am. I know it sounds mutually exclusive, but I guess the nifty thing about being human is that we can feel two opposite things at once without needing to bring them into consistency.