My marriage has been recovered for two years now :-). It's been great, now that we both know how to meet each others needs and avoid bad habits!
By tough love, I don't mean being a jerk. I mean that you must put boundaries in place, for you, and enforce them. So no, the two concepts are not mutually exclusive. In fact, they work beautifully together!
I will add that, in my opinion, you only try to be "super wife" for a short time before you separate yourself from your H. Unlike women (where H's should continue to try to meet their WAWs needs for even years), men tend not to respond in the same way. The better bet in the case of a WAH is to leave them with a good taste in their mouth, then turn them loose and let the A explode on them. Once it does, they'll be back on your doorstep, if you've left the light on. of course, I'll defer to your coach.
Take a look at Train's thread if it's still there. Like you, she had a WAH in an A and they reconciled earlier this year. There's a ton of good experience there for you to tap in to!
