What can I do to work on my communication? Serious question. I know that is a problem for me. I get very frustrated because what I THINK I'm saying and how some people receive it can be completely opposite. I don't intend to sound defensive and idiotic , but I obviously do at times. Again, I appreciate the help and constructive criticism.
me-42 w-33 d-3 together-6 m-4yr 6/1/14-w check out 6/15/14-EA? 8/1/14-mc 9/1/14-IDLY-started DBing 9/15/14-w suggest separation 10/17/14 wife is done 12/13/2014 - wife move out me file 1/1/15
Dying, You need to take the feedback and stop trying to analyze it into "that's not what I meant to say" and listen to what other people actually hear you saying. That's all.
Dying, you might think about following a 12 step style self improvement regimen. It might help resolve the anger and resentment.
Me Bond, you may as well be talking to me, because some of your statements cut me a little deep, too. I'm tearing up my scorecard here and now. My sponsor is taking care of my resentment.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
i'm working on myself....definitely takes time. as anyone in my position i'm a bit impatient. i'm working on that as well.
even on a normal day my mind is running a mile a minute so to speak. it's ok on an engineering standpoint when problem solving in a production setting, but for evaluating relationship status it's a killer.
example... today went' fairly well and my wife and I worked together on sanding and painting the living room (just primer for now). remodeling has been an ongoing thing and it has been stalled for a little while. anyways, I typically do the"heavy" part and my wife does much of the painting. she has been putting a lot of effort into it the past week and I have told her I appreciate it and offer to help whenever I can. anyways, my overactive mind is trying to make me think that she is doing one of two things....1) just trying to get the remodeling done so we can sell the house quicker. OR 2) actually putting in effort to make the house nicer for her to stay ( ha! see what I mean??)
I'm just expressing train of thoughts here, i am NOT letting it get to me and I have told myself to NOT try to read into it. Just take it day by day and work together on finishing the house and either way can be a good thing. it's a way we can work together since we have to make decisions as well (color, style, etc.) baby steps.....
hopefully this makes sense?
it was a long day for my wife as she did a lot of painting. I didi the grocery shopping and some cooking (i prep my lunches for the whole week on sunday) and she cooked up some meals for the week as well. after dinner I told her to get a shower and relax while I took care of all the clean up and letting my daughter finish dinner. (there was a lot to clean up! haha) I just wanted her to be able to enjoy the rest of her evening.
tomorrow is a new day and determined it is another GOOD day
Last edited by dying; 10/06/1404:47 AM.
me-42 w-33 d-3 together-6 m-4yr 6/1/14-w check out 6/15/14-EA? 8/1/14-mc 9/1/14-IDLY-started DBing 9/15/14-w suggest separation 10/17/14 wife is done 12/13/2014 - wife move out me file 1/1/15
Think before you speak. This forum is a perfect way to actually read what others tell you. Read the responses and read them again. Rather than jumping the gun and conclusions, ask questions instead and repeat what is told to you so that the person youʻre talking to knows youʻre listening. Respond like this..."okay, so if I understand correctly, youʻre saying that if I do this, then... Is that correct?"
Do that to your W. That way she will see youʻve changed
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
So I finished the db book. It sounds like I should basically go about my life as if everything was fine? Do things I would do if all my problems were solved? And do some unexpected things . Is that accurate? Checking my interpretation. ...
me-42 w-33 d-3 together-6 m-4yr 6/1/14-w check out 6/15/14-EA? 8/1/14-mc 9/1/14-IDLY-started DBing 9/15/14-w suggest separation 10/17/14 wife is done 12/13/2014 - wife move out me file 1/1/15
Anyway, I had t o pick up a couple things from the store and while I was there I walked by the flowers.....Figured what the heck.....was in a decent mood and felt like doing someting nice.....I'd get flowers. I used to buy them for her every week when I went for groceries for the past 9 months or so....just because. It's been a few weeks. I simply want to let her know I appreciate the hard work she does. I just put them on her night stand with a note saying "thank you for all your hard work, I appreciate it!"
Last edited by dying; 10/06/1408:36 PM.
me-42 w-33 d-3 together-6 m-4yr 6/1/14-w check out 6/15/14-EA? 8/1/14-mc 9/1/14-IDLY-started DBing 9/15/14-w suggest separation 10/17/14 wife is done 12/13/2014 - wife move out me file 1/1/15
"So I finished the db book. It sounds like I should basically go about my life as if everything was fine? Do things I would do if all my problems were solved? And do some unexpected things ."
Seriously? That's what you got out of it? I think you need to go back and take notes this time.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Last I checked buying flowers was against the 37 rules and not in accordance with the 180's list either.
Just sayin.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Not saying ignore the situation and just go on as if nothing.....definitely worded it wrong I guess. There is a lot more to it but basically sounds like to make yourself happy and not dwell on negatives. Don't push and cause confrontation, be an active listener control yourself and do not over react w outbursts. Note the times that are good and not good and keep doing things that work....If something doesn't work, then don't keep doing it. It's about changing yourself , not your spouse.
Is that a little more accurate?
me-42 w-33 d-3 together-6 m-4yr 6/1/14-w check out 6/15/14-EA? 8/1/14-mc 9/1/14-IDLY-started DBing 9/15/14-w suggest separation 10/17/14 wife is done 12/13/2014 - wife move out me file 1/1/15
