Newcomer living in Hell

[bravo61]

Need to vent.
So W works 3 12hr shifts a week. She just took another job and will work 2 24hr shifts a month. Who do u think is gonna be suffering for her decisions, me and the kids. She loves work, it validates her as a person. I get that. But when I can't watch them baby sitters will be. And she'll be getting babysitters to watch them so she can go out with her heathen friends. She says that the kids r the most precious things in the world to her yet she is unconcerned bout what divorce will do to them. She doesn't trust her heart w/me but she will her kids. Spoke to her last night, strictly business bout the kids. I was pleasant but not pushy. I'm gonna respect her space and she mentioned that she would like me to get to know her but I'm gonna let her push that. So I'm working another 14 hr shift so I can save up comp time to watch the kids overnight (she was stressed bout this) and then going to pick up D from babysitter and have her all day until S soccer practice at which point I'll h we l.p. coach his team. She said be careful don't overextend yourself. What I wanted to say was what do you care, I'm unpaid help. What I said was being there for my family will sustain me. Oh and I get to meet w/her arty to show him how the screwed up the child support calculation. All this when per her own words "part of me wants to get divorced". And don't forget she is nervous to spend time w/ me alone but readily accepts invites. And even tells me the day after an invite was extended (I told her I was going regardless and she could let me know later) she would like to go. She's scared she's gonna change her mind bout all this and her friends are egging her on. UN f*ing believable!! I really believe her breaking point is gonna come at some point. Oh yeah, her grandad is in poor health too. Clear as mud to y'all? So in the past 48 hrs I Will have taken care of a sick kid, washed puke sheets at her apt, worked 28 hrs, coached soccer, slept for 5 hrs, and she believes I'm not there for her. It hurts but I knew it would be like this. Loving unconditionally is its own reward, besides she did it for years and my family is worth it! Even though she is kicking me out of the family.