In limbo, need to figure out next steps (thread #5

[shodan]

We had a great weekend for the most part. We did some family stuff together and then Sunday went to an impromptu party at a friend's house. My W and I were hanging out together a but with some other people and having fun. Later that night, I said to my W "On a scale of 1 to 10, where 10 is awesome, our M is a 1 right now, yet we had a lot of fun together. Imagine what would happen if we actually worked on our M." She said that she thought the same thing today.

However, unfortunately I am 100% confident that my W is still in her A. But I also sense that she is confused. She has said a few things to me about our M and not being sure what to do and how to work on it. She has expressed remorse for not working harder on our M, not communicating her thoughts and feelings to me, etc. But, I frankly am starting to care less and less. While we an have fun and I personally believe that we have the ingredients to have a great M, with every passing day during which she is in this A and giving her love to someone else, my affection for her wanes. I take full responsibility for my actions that led up to where we are today. But she has so much work to do earn back my trust, assuming she ends the A. And I think my W is way too stubborn to admit to what she did/is doing (if she actually ends it).

So what will I do: continue to detach and GAL. I have a lot of work stuff this week, lots of meetings and calls. I have a guitar lesson on Thursday and then dinner with a buddy on Friday. And then this weekend I am visiting my parents. Next week I have some business travel.

Overall, I feel good. For the past several weeks, I have not been focusing on our M and our future. I feel like I have so much more energy as a result. Trying to "fix" this M is fatiguing. She is in God's hands now.