Newcomer living in Hell

[bravo61]

Appreciate the encouragement Card. And for posting Wet. I am proud that I don't really have to think bout what words could I say that are uplifting to W. It's just scary because she has actually said that she will hold things in and when she's done, she's done. But I point blank stated that I had a hard time believing that she really wants a D and that she is doing it for protection. She said "part of me wants to". I made a point of not jumping on that statement. I attempt to give her words of affirmation every time we talk. Something as simple as "u look really pretty in that shirt", "have you lost weight?", "smart choice of restaurant", or "hey I'm really impressed with the job you do at work. I could never take care of /save babies like you can. I'm proud of you". Of course she downplays those comments and I say "hey don't minimize my opinion ok". I guess I want to be able to point to something, be it behavior or statement, that would improve belief that there's a chance to turn this around. I am curious of the difference in genders so far as Reconciliation numbers. Ladies speak up please. Don't get me wrong, I'm not gonna give up regardless. I know that she has changes she would need to make for us to be together-let my happiness be my concern, not tie her happiness to mine, speak with clarity & calmness regarding her emotional needs, don't hold onto anger, have defined expressed boundaries & hold me accountable.
It's tough for me because I've reached so many of my goals in regards to changes,it's just maintenance at this point.
I've learned so much bout myself and I'm actually very proud of the person I've become. But she's the person I want to share it with. I told her once "I'm an imperfect man, but I'm never gonna stop working to be better". I miss my wife, my lover, my friend, my partner. What we could have could be amazing if ny Sweet Girl would show me Grace. Sigh...