Just got back from dinner with D and H to celebrate D passing her yellow karate belt test yesterday. We took her to her favorite restaurant and laughed and laughed. It was really fun.
I was quite at first. He arrived with yellow flowers for D (for the color of her belt) and at first I was hurt because "what about me" but this whole thing is for her and I'm so proud of her... this is NOT about our relationship or our separation. I needed a second to remember that. Gah.
H wanted to hit the book store before heading home. His IC recommended Brene Brown's The Gifts of Imperfection for him to read and he wanted to pick it up. They didn't have it but D got sucked into the kids book section (she's a huge reader, i'm so proud) so he and I were talking and whatnot. I steered clear of "how's therapy?" and "so where were you last night?" and just kept it light. We laughed and then then reminisced to the days when D loved the little Boynton board books and we read them 10,000 times a day to her.
Anyway, when we got home D wanted to give H a gift she'd made (well I made it but she helped). It's a little terrarium of succulents that she picked out. He looked at me and thanked me. I told him I hoped it brought some life to his apartment. He jokingly said that it was like The Professional's apartment. It had no life like some assassin lived there. I said, "well now you have the plant that Natalie Portman carried everywhere in the film, just don't teach the kid how to shoot a sniper rifle, ok?" He smiled and thanked me again.
All in all a good night.
I think perhaps H is looking for signs that I'm interested in him. Sort of along the lines of what you're saying vossy. I think he wants me to ask more about things, be more interested. I've been trying to give him space and not be too nosy lest it be seen as controlling and pursuing but I'm going to go with my gut on this one more and ask about things in a conversational way (as opposed to a confrontational or aggressive way of course). Let him know I'm interested in what is going on in his life, how he feels about it, etc.
Georgiabelle and mdu, I think you're right. H isn't the kind of guy to think to hard about things like this. He doesn't want more kids. What's the next step? V. Done and done. I think it's something he's doing because it was on the list for so long. No other reason.
I just want to be clear about the V. It's not like he's doing something against my wishes. I was more shocked he'd do something like that without securing someone to care for him (like me) or drive him. I mean, I'm assuming that's not the kind of thing you want your mother to care for you over but maybe I'm wrong. LOL Plus, I thought that during a separation was a pretty interesting time to have something like that done. Then again, my H has a very interesting priority list and I'm learning that it's HIS and not MINE so I'm letting go.
Card, I think I'm going to go see Gone Girl alone next weekend. I loved the book and can't wait. I've never been to a movie by myself.
