DBing Again -- Need Support Now

[Two Sided Coin]

I'm so emotionally fried I don't know how to write this post, but I feel like I want to.

We did so much crying today, so much general talking. H keep stuff so buried inside, I found out things he'd never told me before -- as far as R stuff he'd kept inside and not communicated. Some of it good, some of it not so good.

Communication is definitely a weak point for us, and we need to work on it. H refuses to go to C, though, which is a shame.

Anyway....we talked about how no one's actions exist in a vacuum. You do something and it affects me and so I respond and that affects you...and when those are negative things on each end, it builds and builds until both parties are tired and fed up and it explodes. For instance, when my addiction made him feel neglected, he internalized that by not helping with responsibilities around the house, which then made me feel like I was the only one who did anything, which made me resent him enough I didn't want to be intimate, which....

Basically: we both played our part in our demise and we both need to play apart in changing so that our R is happy and healthy.

I did a lot of moving today -- up and down stairs, so I'm physically exhausted too. We've got a lot of conversations to have, he and I, but I know this R isn't going to be fixed over night and anything can still happen. Slow and easy going is how it's going to be.

I didn't say anything more than my last post did, sorry. I'll come back tomorrow after I've had a good night's rest.