Hi bravo, I'm not a vet but I can tell you that I've been where you are, with the nightmares, can't sleep, and my thoughts fixated on my W. The "why" question is the toughest one, isn't it? Do you think that it can ever be answered satisfactorily? Do you think there is a clear enough answer that would help you? It's tough because we are guys and we want to get our head around a problem so that we can "fix" it, right?
But I will tell you what everyone else here tells me - keep the focus on you. Protect yourself. GAL, and detach. The detaching will help you so that you don't think about the "why" question as much. And hopefully help you get your mind off of W as well. Stay strong.
