Newcomer living in Hell

[bravo61]

worked for 14 hrs yesterday and got in bed to sleep. was up in a what felt like a panic attack less than 4 hrs later. literally felt like the walls were closing in. haven't felt that hopeless since the 1st night in the apt. all i keep coming back to is why? why would this person who has been my partner for 15 yrs not tell me of her pain? why would she not give me a chance? i just feel like she is losing herself while proclaiming she's "finding herself". it's like she's rushing through this D because she doesn't want to weaken. oh yeah, her best friend back home is in law school and was giving her advice while in a relationship marked w/infidelity. her former husband was a meth addict-and she's taking advice from her because she "gets her". wtf is up with the acceptance of the hollywood notion that your spouse is supposed to "get you"? how bout the man that is willing to put in the effort and humble himself to tell you he doesn't understand but wants to. i feel so lost right now. can any WAW offer any insight? i'm feeling kinda desperate right now and alone. thanks