Thanks for the feedback and support, guys. I'm really OK. I mainly put that down because I didn't have much time to really process the week.
Since I have been journal/keeping track of my journey here, I thought this week's events were worth documenting. I don't feel I was really able to grieve. To start off the week with the loss of my friend, and having to be strong for everyone all day and night, it was just hard. I was exhausted Friday. On my way to calling hours on Friday, I got 3 calls from s's school. It was hard to focus considering where I was going. The d13 called and asked where I was bc she and her friend were late for their game and thought I'd be home to take them. I was 30 min away and she was already 15 min late.
I went to her game after calling hours, then had to go to the store to get more supplies for her. I was exhausted from the week. I went to bed and about 30 min later I knew something was up. That's when I went and saw note from s17 and saw he was gone. So... there goes that night's sleep.
Yeah, I know it's life. I been moving along through it, with many weeks similar to this. It was just so evident this week that I was going it alone. Not only did I not have someone here to confide in with the loss of my friend, I didn't have anyone to help with everything else.
XH reaching out... puhhhh.... When I see his name appear, I'm like, ugh....
Yesterday he texted and asked what was going on with me and s17. (S17 told him we were arguing. We really weren't, but it was during s's breakdown).
I didn't see xh's text until later. I didn't respond. S and I had had worked through it and were great.
Then s called xh and talked with him and explained that everything was good.
A little while later xh sent: ?????????
My first thought was, ugh, I will text him that everything is fine.
XH would always get really upset when I didn't answer him right away. He always needed me to be readily available. Always. (Man I don't miss that)
Then I though, you know what? I don't need to respond. S told him everything was fine. And I don't need to respond to him because he is ????????'ing me. I mean seriously, he and hww can be insecure about texting with each other. I don't owe him anything.
It's not like he is going to do anything to help me with s. S17 does not even respect him. He does not even really see him. And, when I did need him in the spring and reached out, he was unavailable or unwilling to help. I've learned that lesson and I am learning to go it alone. His craziness just adds more stress to everyone in this house.
Oh, boy, here I go again with these eternal posts.... geesh.
I'm OK, guys. Really. Went out to dinner with the kids tonight. Bills won with 9 seconds left. Yippee!
