Need help

[MrBond]

"I know I wasn't perfect but neither was she."

Lose the scorecared. Thatʻs why you havenʻt made much progress with your situation. You keep thinking "well I did this, BUT SHE DID THIS!" Youʻre not getting the fact that weʻre reading your posts in the way a third party would. Youʻve got so much resentment in you that itʻs hampering your efforts.

"We discussed our issues in the past and thought we were over them and they never came up until june."

See, again, you canʻt keep saying "we". Youʻre not your W. Ask any woman on here and they will tell you that sometimes theyʻll just say that to stop a situation from escalating if they know it wonʻt go anywhere. You might have been "over" them, but she wasnʻt.

"We just bought a house last year and constantly planning the next 20+ years and was trying for a second child. Fertility drugs and everything. But june she said she was wanting out....which is when I found she was talking w a male co - worker and meeting out for drinks."

By then it was too late because the seed was planted in her.

"She was willing to work things out until I called her out on lying and sneaking around. That's when things got ugly. When she had the trigger if the other man is when she started bringing things up from years ago because anything that was current I addressed and she had nothing."

So again, if you honestly think that itʻs the OM, why are you here?

"I'm not mind reading, I know my wife's body language , especially now."

Unless youʻre your W, youʻre always going to be mindreading. After all, before this happened, you would have sworn that your W would NEVER cheat on you. Yet she did. I donʻt care how much "body language" you think you know, unless youʻre her, youʻre mindreading.

"And I never called her a b*tch....so quit putting words in my mouth."

Go back and read what I wrote. I didnʻt say you "called" her a b*tch. I said thatʻs what it seems like you think of her. See thatʻs a perfect example of why you donʻt communicate well. You seem to rush and make judgements without actually looking at what was actually said. Your W saw it before, but you didnʻt want to address it.

"She hasn't left yet.....she wants me to leave physically. ....I will not. That's why I said if she truly wants out or separated she can leave."

You donʻt seem to see this as an opportunity. Youʻre still using it to nurse your own hurt feelings which does nothing but build anger and resentment in you.

Iʻll tell you BIG thing that you need to do in terms of saving your M. If you donʻt learn to lose the scorecard, stop being resentful and actually improve communication and do 180s on your bad behavior from the past, you wonʻt make it.