I'm grateful you're on the west coast because you always chime in when I need a life preserver the most. Thank you.
I know everything you're saying is right. I do. I definitely have trouble accepting things that are out of my control and this is great practice but man, don't you think I could have been given something smaller and less important to learn off of?
I need to be busier. I need to do more to GAL than just yoga classes. I need a freaking job.
In an effort to regain control, even if it's at least in my head, I work like crazy on myself. I've read 10 marriage/relationship books in the last month. Underlining, journaling, taking the surveys and quizzes, writing out answers to the questions so I can get to the bottom of my issues. It's almost obsessive, I'll admit.
I cannot get my mind off the journey of getting to be the person I want to be. The person I've always wanted to be. I'm so reactive that I know it's going to take time and practice. H has said that *if* we get back together there isn't a lot of room for mistakes. I get that. I've worn him raw.
Next weekend H has D and I wonder if I can arrange to go do something away. I'd love to go with a friend but all of my friends are married with young children so I'm not sure that's possible.
I'm in a rut. No doubt. I just need to find a way to get myself out of it before I get too deep into it. I'm going to start with putting away these marriage/self-help books for a while. Read for pleasure for a little while.
