Feeling stronger than ever

[mleigh4]

It's Sunday and I am dreading H coming home today. What a wonderful break this has been. I have the house to myself, my S to myself, no awkwardness.... Is that bad? Am I mean? If H's presence causes me to feel awkward and uncomfortable, does this mean I need to detach even more? I have just become so aware of how I feel and act with H around vs him not being around. I know I should just be myself, I will need to work on that. His being away for 4 days has been an eye opener for me. Different then when I was living in apt. I liked the space but missed my dog and home. This way now feels right.

I had to go into "his" room to grab some Halloween decorations and also did the other night to make sure the window was locked up good. I resent feeling like I shouldn't go in there. He goes in and out of MB. I never go in there unless I need to get something out of the closet, but it always feels weird. A slap of reality maybe? However, I barely looked around. No desire, absolutely NO DESIRE to snoop. That is so big for me. I have come a long way there.

Hoping to get out and have some more fun with S today. Another hot one!