Going Down Hill

[zed]

Hi. I am new here. Have been reading some posts for the last 3 months. While trying to figure things out. My wife and I have been together for 9 year. Married for 7. We have young wonderful girls that I deeply love.
For the last few years out marriage has slowly deteriorating. We do not fight much but rarely talk or communicate. Part of that is due to kids, life and a my busy work schedule. Part of it may be that I have always been quiet and never liked to talk about my feelings. This spring after a holiday we went on together that did not go so well. My wife told me that she loves me but is not in love with me. I guess our relationship has always been sort of a tic for tac kind of relationship. (why to you get to go out when I don't etc) Before getting married we would have sex lots. Then after getting married we would have sex about 1-2 a year. This was very hard for me and I held a lot of resentment for it and blamed her. I have now found that the sex issue was both of our fault. I did not open up to her so she did not feel physically close to me
After the ILUBNILWY talk I was hurt and frustrated. She said she was had tried to make marriage work but felt I did not. Looking back I can see she did but at the time I was immersed in my work or just to stubborn to see it. We went to MC a couple times but she felt it was not working and I guess I was still to hurt/frustrated to make it work.
I always felt that I wanted control of my life so after MC did not work I set out to find another place to live (she felt it was best for the kids to stay at there house with mom). And Told her I wanted to get a new start on my life. We went to mediation to figure out best way share time with the kids. At mediation it clicked/dawned on me that I still really love my wife and family and want to do anything possible to save it.
I started to read books, research on the internet. That is when I found DB. SO I read DR and am currently reading DB. I did a 180. Told the wife I loved her and did not want to separate. Started to give her word of affirmation (her LL, mine is acts of service which I always did for her...hindsite) I tried to be a good friend. Validating her. Started working out (GAL), and always tried to be upbeat happy around her. I thought it was working as she started to talk more with me and maybe enjoy being around me. (She always said that she had a heavy heart when around me and felt like there was a weight on her)
Then this week happened! She felt more distant. When ever I would come home from work or come into the room she was in (we still live together) she would leave.
I never had time to talk to her to see what was wrong b/c she would leave the room right away. So I left her a note saying "that I felt she was not happy and that I hope she could talk to me if there was something she wanted to say".
I got this email back "Yah I guess I am getting pretty frustrated as time goes on. I hate this situation that we're in.... It's the worst. For some reason as soon as you walk through the doors I feel like I am dead inside. I hate the fact that I feel like I want to hide when you're home mostly because I feel like when I'm avoiding you I'm also avoiding the kids. I definitely don't want to be hiding from the kids. I think I hide because I can't handle putting up the fake front any more. I know you are trying and you won't say it but I can tell you still have hope for things to work out. I know you are trying to be what you think I want, but it's making me feel smothered. I think you are thinking you can fix things and change my opinion but unfortunately sometimes things just can\t be "fixed". The love is either there or it isn't. Like you said in the other email, we were just not getting what we both needed out of the marriage for so long that the damage was permanent. I think it's great that you have such a positive attitude and are wanting to compliment me, etc. but at this point I think it's starting to make me feel uncomfortable, which makes me feel bad because I know you are only trying to be nice. I give you huge props for trying and handling it the way you have been. I just don't think I can go on like this for much longer. I think it's almost time we start looking at a game plan for how we are going to move on in the future. "
I am crushed, lost, don't know what to do. I think she is just confused. I pretty sure there is no OM. I love my wife and my family and would do anything to save it. I would love any for of help/support/advice
Please Help!