Hi I'm new, I hope I won't be a burden... prt 4

[MrBond]

"No i did, but i went about three sessions and felt like it wasnt helping me at all."

And that's your problem. Even on here, when you didn't agree with the advice, you didn't listen. You can learn something ESPECIALLY from the advice you don't agree with. Those are the ones that usually strike a nerve that we don't want to touch.

"The advice i got here was."

Again, total BS because you never listened.

"I guess i didnt listen but there has been a lot that i have as well. Ive selectively posted all my wrong doings to be critisized."

Again, you only pick and choose what you want to do. That doesn't work. It's either you're fully committed or not. That's why you never succeeded.

I had stopped arguing back and took her side and avoided conflict. All my arguements i spoke in calm tones and in ways that were caring and understanding.

"I got myself a better job, i stopped fully neglecting her, yes maybe to a point where i was smothering her. I tried to fill her love bank as it states in 5 love languages."

Is this the 5 love languages website? NO it's Divorce BUSTING. You stopped listening when you thought you had her. You never followed through on the counseling and you especially never learned to listen to her. You just nodded your head and agreed with everything she said which we told you NOT to do. LISTENING is different than just HEARING. You were hearing words from her but never bothered to actually listen to what she meant.

"Yeah your right i do want to control her. But i dont realise it why!? Ffs.. i even said i hope you dont get with anyone within a yr n a half id be really upset."

Gee, maybe a C would have helped you with that. But you didn't want to do it.

"I realise things too late.. because Thats trying to control her even when we wont be together and thinking of myself. I also realise to counteract that would be not to mention anything. Not say stuff like i hope you find someone and be happy. Or am i wrong here?"

You are totally wrong. the way to counteract it is to actually LISTEN to her. If she wants to wear shorts, let her. If she wants to talk to another guy, let her.

"I have reflected back and ive seen that im very controlling which has gone down.. honest to god it really has."

Yet you're upset at her dressing in a way (as you put it) that makes her seem single. Why don't you go ahead and put a dog leash on her or better yet, tattoo you name on her forehead so that people know she's yours?

"My insecurity however, hasnt. Its so bad and i dont know how to hold back from that urge why oh why?"

Counseling!

"I need to learn to shut up.. i listen and use i statements. I havmt galled properly, ive lived in the fear that i dont have much time left with her so spend as much as i can. It is the fear that stops me. I also know thats to do with me and i have fear because i choose to, its all in the mind."

No I really think it's that you don't want to change. or are too lazy to.

"Im usually almost always upset and have no character left in me.. i have no self confidence and feel totally worthless,"

Counseling!

"i feel like i will never get a girl like her again. I feel like i will be alone. I also know its not healthy to put her up on a pedestal but then i start resenting her. Why cant i find a middle ground, why cant i be normal!!!!???"

Because you haven't made the point and commitment to change.