Newcomer living in Hell

[bravo61]

Shake,
tell me bout your sitch. my wife really likes who i am just cant get past the resentment she held in so long. she's deathly afraid of the "old me" and making herself vulnerable to that again. i get that, but to not even wait and see is the tough thing. i can't help but wonder if even this D is a test. you don't test those that you have no interest in. my C is in complete agreement. just left her apt where i was playing in a "pig pile" on the floor with my kids. my c really thinks that it will take time for her to truly believe that this is who i am now, and of course she will have to truly forgive first. problem is she has to forgive herself too. she chose to lose herself and is afraid being with me will cause her to make the same choice. the child support was a wrong number as she was guessing at my gross monthly income and was off by a lot. she wants to go with me to have her atty adjust it which will cut it down by about 250. man i love her, i wish i could hate her! as proof that my anger does not control me anymore, since all this happened i haven't raised my voice in anger to her or really anyone 1 time. i'm not even mad at her, i get it. but she's wrong and this is wrong. love is a choice and i choose to love her. i would never have done this to her and she knows it. that's why she is struggling with her guilt of hurting me.