still waiting

[Ahoy]

Thank you for all the insights, 25. It's good to hear from a vet.

I wish I could look back and realize that my marriage had been "dead" for a long time before BD, but the truth of the matter is that my H was sending me love letters just two weeks prior. LOVE LETTERS! So I was completely blindsided. I know, I know, he was probably sending them out of guilt because he had feelings for someone else, or was on the fence and trying to convince himself one way or another.

He was always a devoted and very loving and attentive person, and perhaps I did not reciprocate enough in ways that he needed (again, I'm realizing he needed LOTS of affirmation that I didn't provide).

Two years ago, the night before my brain surgery, we sat on a bench overlooking the water, and I told him that even if I died in surgery I would die happy because I had so much love in my life (meaning him). He said the same and more. In between that time and now, he had his own health scares with seizures, a lawsuit to contend with (he was being accused), and major work stress. I'm sure I played a part in everything, too. I was consumed with his health, holding down the fort, managing all the household stuff so he could focus on the other pressing issues. I think he just broke. And I can't say I blame him. He will have to choose his path, and I will have to choose mine. Right now I choose to do nothing except have fun and GAL and take care of my daughter.

Tonight I'm going to a yoga & wine tasting event; tomorrow to a girls' art night (fun!).

I did end up meeting him at the outdoor festival today. I still have no idea why he invited me, but it's easy enough to show up, see daughter, smile, enjoy the fun. I don't expect anything from it. However, I would LOVE to have mind-reading powers!

Que sera sera!