MM, I'm not going to go down your list of Eric's "opinions" (these aren't opinions, MM. They are things that you show us when you post word for word conversations with XBF) and rebuttals. I'm just going to say one thing.....sometimes the things you think are being "judged" the wrong way, that YOU see as "untrue" are the very things that ARE true...you are just too close to see it. What offends isn't that you are proving someone as being "wrong" about something. What offends is that you aren't able to understand that what YOU think is true may not be which is why you need advice in the first place. If you were looking at your sitch accurately you wouldn't need to ask for help at all.
If what you say in the first paragraph of your last post was true, you would be happy and in a healthy R. The person you describe in that paragraph is not the person who you have talked about in the last 2,500+ posts, MM. If he really was behaving the way you described, you wouldn't even be here.
Lastly, if you think a "good" R has any of the characteristics of abuse as described by Eric, you have deeper problems than an XBF in MLC. Yes, many on here are in similar situations with their H/W BUT we know that is not what a healthy R is AND it wasn't always like this. If my W acted the way Eric describes from the start of our R, I wouldn't have M her to begin with. Her behaving towards me the way she is now is not the way she has for the last 26 years. It is new, out of character, not the way she acted in the past and it is impossible to have anything close to a good R while it is happening. If you think that any abuse is "normal" you need to look deeper inside of you and see why you think that it's OK for MM to be treated like that EVER.
I could easily spend the time to go back and find examples of XBF behaving the way Eric tried to show you....several examples, not just one or two. Open your mind to the fact that you may not be seeing your own situation in an unbiased way. That is the only way that you will be able to get where you need to be.
