Feeling stronger than ever

[mleigh4]

Happy Saturday! This is the first weekend I have looked forward to in a long time. No drama with H away. I am enjoying this a bit too much! But trying not to make too much of it. I think it's more that I am enjoying the break from the sitch, not so much H. I have not called or texted him, have no desire to.

Lots going on with me emotionally, in a good way. Since I have stopped talking about sitch with anyone, it's like it's gotten quieter in my mind. I am able to feel what I feel, I am able to listen to my own heart and my own feelings. Without all the yapping and negativity from others ( who only want me to be happy) I am better able to dig deep. Do I really love H? What made me pull away so much over the years? Can I accept H for who he is? What do I really want? Lot's going on in my head, but I am able to just go with it. It's not consuming me, I am just feeling and thinking.

H checked in with me Thursday night to let me know he arrived safe and sound. Wasn't really worried about it, but the old wife in me would have been and H acknowledged that by letting me know?

Last night, H called the house at 9:30 at night. He said he just called to talk with S, so I handed phone over. S talked for a few minutes then said daddy wanted to talk with me. I asked how his trip was going and he said good then asked about our plans today. I let him know we plan on going to a tarantula fest, which he was going to take us to if he wasn't away. He sounded happy about that. Not really sure why he called? Sounded like he was just checking in? Either way, I didn't expect to hear from him at all this weekend, so surprised about all that.

I have great plans for S and I this weekend and am so looking forward to it! Let's see. Today tarantula fest, a nap, some reading, then a movie and wine. Perfect! My girlfriend may be coming over too.

I choose to be happy today and have fun!