This isn't being asked as an excuse- it's a question I'm looking for an honest answer for.
No, I have not seen a successful reconciliation as long as OM was in the picture.
I have been active on the board for a little over seven years, and I can honestly say I do not remember ever reading of a stitch where a WAW who was in an A gradually eased out with OM b/c her feelings for the LBH were stronger than for the OM. I have seen cases where the A eventually fizzled out. But let me say this to you and to the others who thought maybe it might work out after the A fades out over enough time. Just b/c an A ends does not mean the WAW will want to have anything to do with the LBH who waited around to get whatever leftovers he could. She will have a big issue of lack of respect for him.
First of all, she doesn't respect him b/c she had an A. Secondly, she doesn't respect him if he repeatedly compromises his integrity to get her back. And when she doesn't respect him, she is not attracted to him.....and therefore will likely not return to the M out of love for him.
Tarheel, how many times has your W "said" something that never transpired? How many times have you been set up, just to have another heartbreak? It is easy to tell the MC she's willing to do this & that, but come show down.....it will be a different story. She won't deliver.
Yes, I support transparency b/c I know how easy it would be to backslide into that secret place again. I know the temptation, the depression, the loneliness, missing the thrill & connection with the OM.....while feeling nothing for the H. Sure she could find some way to contact OM but if she's sincere about ending the A, she will work with transparency. The transparency is not just to assure the H, but to help the W stick to her resolve. Giving an account, as it were, goes a long way when one is truly trying to turn things around in their life. If she is being truthful and really has ended things with OM, she won't protest to transparency, and in fact, should welcome it in order to prove she has nothing to hide. As long as she wants to keep her "privacy" and have her little secret life apart from you.....it can't be successful.
