Maybell, I hope this doesn't come across as kicking you while you're down, but this is my perception of what's been happening for you:
I think you have it in your head that it's only a matter of WHEN you and your H reconcile, not IF.
I think your H has it in his head that it's IF.
And I think that's what is causing all the problems.
This is something I have thought a few times over the past month of reading your threads. I think it's why you temperature check.. because you don't understand what is taking him so long to come around, let alone why you're even bothering with all this "limbo" if the outcome is inevitably that you'll be R.
And here's what I think you need to do going forward, at least for now, in order for you to stay sane: I think every decision you make needs to be the right decision (a) IF you reconcile and (b) IF you don't.
So, every time you want to do something or ask him something or whatever, ask yourself: Would I be doing this IF we were definitely going to reconcile? Then ask yourself: Would I be doing this IF we were 100% over? Unless those two answers match up and align completely (e.g. they're both yes, or they're both no) then I don't think you should proceed.
Examples: Do we need to maintain a civil/friendly relationship for the sake of our kids? That's a YES (if we reconcile) and a YES (if we don't).
Do we need to discuss what happened to get us to this point? That's a YES (if we reconcile) and a NO (if we don't)... so, maybe don't do it just yet.
I could be totally wrong about all this, but from what I have been noticing, you don't seem to have accepted an outcome whereby you're not together. Sure, you might acknowledge it's a possibility, but you need to also ACCEPT it. You need to be making decision based on that being your reality just as much as you do if reconciling is your reality.
