First post-help needed-wife affair

[25yearsmlc]

well you said a few things that can guide you already.

You said when you contact her or reach out, she withdraws. DING DING DING!!

Do not initiate contact anymore b/c there ^^ is your answer.

IT's not helping and the fundamental, simple yet different approach of DBing, is to

Do more of what works and do less or none of what hurts the marriage.

As for what to do LATER ON, that's not really your decision to make at this time, is it? As for what you might be thinking, it depends.

Again, Not your call to make until/unless she says she wants to stay committed to you. IF that time comes, you'll need to figure some things out. For now, ask yourself a few or all of the following questions,

JUST so you will have given it thought, okay?


She works with this OM and so, what does that mean? Is it one huge conglomerate or a small office so they'd have to keep in contact on a daily basis?

Would they have to be alone ever, OR a lot, or could she make arrangements to never be alone with him?

Or would a transfer out be the only possible way for her to handle it?

What, if anything, does she say she feels for him, now?

And for you? And though I assume you had some PTSD (as a veteran myself and the wife of an Army doctor, I know it to be a real problem of dynamic effect, so don't pooh pooh it, which I guess you are not doing now)

are you improving? Can you discuss any of that with your wife, so that she can believe one crucial thing ---

The crucial thing she must believe is that

marriage to you

can be better/different than before.

And you have to believe that too. Can you?

That's all I have for now but do keep posting!