Newcomer living in Hell

[bravo61]

thanks card.
i have read 5LL and If He Only Knew, Tough Love, I Love But, and a host of others. i've learned alot about the ways i let her down and the ways i could've made her feel loved. it just feels like its too late. i just got the papers. i feel broken. she said that she's very sorry she just lost herself and when she needed me to be there, she felt that i didn't care and she's moving on.
she did reiterate that she carries her own guilt for her part in the loss of our marriage but she's done.
i'm familiar with the LRT but its hard because of the kids and that was part of my problem, i would withdraw from her and wasn't there for her and the kids.
i told her i felt bad for her as she won't find anyone like me. she said she already found someone-herself-and she had no interest in any of that right now. just struggling to cope with this right now. my friends and family are 2500 miles away, and i work nights so i haven't really had an opportunity to GAL, and every waking moment i'm with my kids as i have to be the father i should have been and by doing that it shows her i'm becoming a better me. it just feels so final even though she cries at the thought of hurting me. she did say that she was so sorry she couldn't be what i wanted right now. feel like my hopes and dreams are now a steaming pile of ashes