Do I walk away from WAW? (1)

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Thanks for the note Emily. I can definitely try that. I mean, I've gone plenty of days in the last month saying very little to her, either in person or over the phone. We have such opposite schedules at this point, with her leaving as soon as i get home many nights, that its unfortunately not hard

Its hard to define my 180 here, as I'm sure one of my Ws complaints about me is that I am too withdrawn sometimes. If I am feeling down (which right now, aside from the effects of the pseudo-S, I'm actually feeling pretty good compared to earlier in the year), I usually withdraw from W, as I dont want to burden her with my worries/anxieties. Also, if I am upset with W (usually about household duties, which she has completely let go of since starting her job), I might vaguely show it but I rarely say anything. So, my withdrawal has a lot of room for "misinterpretation". And a lot of times it feels like me owning the burden for something that isnt entirely mine (classic co-dependent relationship!), because I want to avoid a conflict with W.

At this point, the only real change I've been able to focus on is not doing things out of resentment, and not building up any expectations on W, just following through on things for myself. When I see an opportunity to do something thoughtful, yet reasonable, for her (bringing her gatorade at work when she was sick, taking the kids to school so she could get ready for work), I'll do it. When I see a time where I need to act as if she is not in my life, and its not totally cold/rude, I do that. Yesterday she texted me to thank me for the extra time, and for the concern for the bump on her head. If this was our normal M, that would be a shining example of love being given and love received, but while DBing I dont know how to take it. She also just texted me to ask how my day at work is going. Is this a sign of her missing me, reaching out, or am I just getting friend-zoned by the love of my life? This is so hard.

I've been thinking a lot about how I am in a pretty ideal sitch to DB. W and I are cordial, still living together, still able to talk (though only because we are avoiding any R talks, or any finance/logistics talk), and she is honestly nowhere near the financial or emotional state to move out, unless she completely shocks me with something. I sense that she is noticing my changes, and I really just need to focus on doing more of them.

On the other hand, she has things pretty much exactly how she wants them: as Sandi said above, she gets needs met from OM, me, and her friends, and doesnt have to make any hard decisions right now. Its really hard to figure out what exactly she is planning, and I have to constantly remind myself not to mindread, or that its entirely likely that she isnt planning ANYthing. This could just go on like this for a long time. I realize that that is the gift of time, though.

Once Im done DR, I am going to do all of the goal setting exercises and start to work on this more intently. Right now I am still struggling with what faults to "own" here. Aside from being a quiet, depressed, stressed person some of the time, I have been very dedicated and caring with my W. My only true fault has been avoiding conflict to the extreme detriment of the M, not standing up to her in the right moments and letting resentment guide me later on. Other than that, not making enough money in my career seems to be the major issue here, and it seems like W has simply excused herself from a stressful situation. Aside from becoming an investment banker tomorrow, I dont really know how to 180 that one.