...I do want to fight to reconcile our relationship. I loved him with all my heart. I just feel so powerless and lost and like I have no chance against this fantasy world he is living in...
When my wife of 38 years and the mother of our 2 children indicated that she had not interest in having sex with me any more, I felt much as you do. Posting on this website was quite theraputic and Michelles' SSM book really helped me figure out a lot of things, as did a ton of other books and advice I got.
One of the lessons I learned is that I couldn't force my wife to do much of anything. She was the one who needed to decide if she wanted to love me again and have sex with me. All I could do was become a better person, make her feel loved but not smoothered or pushed and let her come to the conclusion that she wanted to work on our relationship. It took many, many months before things changed. I was ripped apart emotionally the entire time.
That didn't mean I couldn't do things. DB helped me do things that forced my wife to view (via GAL) me as someone who was changing for the better, and forced my wife to interact with me (via 180's) in ways that were not as she had been use to. These changes that were in her, and ultimately caused her to want to save the marriage. Ultimately, though the decision rested with my wife of 38 years, not with me.
It wasn't until I had made huge changes in my life, provided her with unconditional love and come to accept that I was going to be in a happy loving relationship by my 60th birthday (either with my wife or someone else) that my wife saw the gravity of the situation and came around.
So you are not powerless, but the decision is outside of your complete control. I hope that helps.
Good luck and do focus on GAL!
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
